Imperfect Life

due to my lovely father passed away
due to my mum does not like the new house
due to we (children) still have no money to buy a house like that
due to many many many reason
we gonna let go the new house
the house which my dad loves it so much
the house which so expensive
the house without my father's shadow
then it's meaningless to us for staying such a big house
so, i gonna forget a dream for having my own room
and i can study, do, play,sleep, eat, drink, anything! in my room
i have to study in the dining space, watching tv in living hall, playing computer in dining area,
i cannot keep my little dirty secret, no private pic, i dun have my own bookshelf which now i have to put it all on the study table which i never even use it!
i cannot facebook so much, i cannot sleep whatever i want
i cannot drink and eat on the bed
i cannot watch movie with my laptop on the bed
i cannot put my teddy bear on the bed
i cannot decorate my room because i dun have room
i must sleep when my mum wants to go the bed due to she very easy awake by little noise
i must wake up when she wants to...
i cannot wash my jean once a week
i cannot make the room like iceland
ok la..
take it from another way,
i'll be so fine
i only dun like to do everything in public

listen to no other love by Chuck Prophet

get this letter this morning before i leave my house...
just have the feeling that there will be a letter for me...
it's a letter which come with a piece of photo as a stamp
i know it's him once i saw the photo...
only both of us have it
it's adorable.... our pic as a stamp...
does not expect it will be a stamp...
so i just read the letter when i get a cab to go somewhere else...

here's the letter

hey sweetheart,

hey there, how you been recently? i mean this few night after the day we went out.I guess you never expect you will get a letter from me, huh? ya....it's a first love letter i wrote exclusively for you. i start writing it after our date.my brain can't stop flash back the momment i with you. i hold your hand while we crossed the road. you poked my waist, and i hugged you. can't stop twisting your hand with my finger. can't stop talking about guy and girl with you. So, i decided to take the risk ,get my first step out of our current relationship and i wish we manage to upgrade it after this. I'm sorry for breaking our promise as we will be friend. i just falling into your trap slowly by seeing you every time. You're just too adorable to be ignore. Yes, you do ask me will i fall in love with girl like you from the beginning and i just said NO without thinking. If i can turn the time backward, I'll say i might, i will, i do! It just so difficult for me seeing other girl besides you. You're true about you may not the prettiest, the slimmest, the cleverest among girls. The truth is you owned odd personality and you never make thing complicated as others do. It make you shine to catch my sight! Your smile and eyes are just so beautiful as angel's. i believe it do happen to other guys. The way you thinking is so pure and simple as a glass of filter water. There's nothing else in your mind, yet i not saying you're those blond girl without brain. you do have the EQ plus IQ, and you just pretend as an idiot to not showing off the intelligence of yours! althought you might do not have the knowledge to solve problem, but you just be so calm and announced it when you settled. Seriously, it amazed me. i know i might not your ideal guy, but you know what, the feeling is important than anything else! I believe you know that fact. i know it's hard for you to seeing me as your boyfriend, but can't you try it before you say no? i just wanna let you know that i'm falling in love with a girl,a girl who is reading my letter now. i try to speak chinese if you want to! i'm serious! i know you only looking guy that able to communicate with your family. Please give me a sign after this no matter it's positive or negative. i'll accept it and i won't force you, i promise!
Love,
XXXXXXX
i had thinking alot after finish it...
a friend of mine, which i just post it few days ago?
i just mentioned how he treat me when we went out together....
actually i dun know what i want...
i were expected a sunshine boy to be my boyfriend...
and here he come...
but nothing in this world is perfect, so does him!
i just dun want my love partner being so famous, so gorgeous, seems so perfect!
perfect is the imperfect!
gosh! why why why?!?
i's so happy when he wants to be my friend..
a friend like sister...
we had talk about alot thing, guy, girl, car, clothes,etc...
and now!
i dun know how to face him !
oh ya...
i haven't send the signal because my brain stop spinning for me due to the letter!
SEE! even my brain is no co-operate with me! DAMN IT!
SHIT!
i'm a girl! full of imperfect stuff!
dirty minded! money-orientated! girl-watcher!
SEE! this is not even what a girl should has!
damn damn damn! and i dun even know who to share this!
i just dun have the habit to share my stuff before it's done! or it's stabil!
so...
let us leave it to god! let him or her give me a clue, a sign!
if i dream about him when i'm sleep, i will say yes!
if not, i will just be friend with him!
ok la..
it's very very very late now!
gonna sleep!
night!

listen to : love you till the end by the pogues

you told me you treat me like sister
fine! i get it! i happy to hear that!
at least i dun worry you will treat me as a couple!
but why!?
what happen to our pure relationship
you suddenly holds my hand when we crossing the road
hug me when i said i'm cold
bite my cheek when i smile!
ok! i have to admit that you're hot!
super hot, hadnsome, talented!
shit! after i come back, my brain full of you!
but! you make me sleep well! this is the benefit get from you
if you're local people, a local chinese people
i'm sure i will accept you
but too bad
you're not a local or chinese guy!
but if i found a local chinese guy like you
it will be a miracle
how to get a guy to be so prefect like you?!?
you are making my life so hard!
you are a guy which i take you as gay
and you really treat me like a gay friend..
we chit chat like sisters..
arh! i miss the old you!

after celebrating my 21st birthday,
i have no enough rest
and now my nose is blocked (no running nose ,it's just purely block)
fever, headache!
i can't go mae's birthday party, i'm so sorry for that
oh, Saturday's night i went to uncle wah's club
because mum said she wanna go there for visit her friend..
and she asked me to invite few friends..
so i invited rafay and moein
which are my best friend...
and also the most funniest friends i had from my current college
hahaha..
believe me!
both of them are noisy! and them will create fun and joy anyplace anytime
the most surprise thing is, mum's friends celebrate my birthday in the club
(although my birthday is one week ago)
hahaha, my mum planned it i think
hahaha..
ok..
due to my health condition,
i have to off now..
bye
happy belated birthday to my lovely mae!
happy birthday to my lovely eddy ma!
i love libra babes!
muack!

thanks to all people i know..
finally i reached the day!
the day i became 21st!
thanks for guiding me, and support me
of coz, i would like to say thank you to my mother..
i'm sorry to you because you need to suffer so much to give birth of me and after three years,
you gave me one brother
although this year we are celebrating birthday without father, cake, present...
but never mind, we still got your bless!
the best bless we got on the earth
thanks to xi mae ,andrene and royle...
celebrating my birthday with 4 pieces of starbuck cakes, bottle and few photo frames...
thanks to ken, jazz, morris and others in australia,
thanks for the sunglasses, books, ring and key!
hahaha...
thanks to rafay,moein, jc
celebrate my birthday in the club...and had drink in murni!
hahaha..
i having alot fun with you all..
love ya!
thanks to alice, sherry, ruben and other classmate
thanks for the wishes and ice-skating session
hahaa..
my god..
if i continue thanks to all people iknow..
i will die man..
hahaa..
so ...
in general, i would like to thanks all of you!
thanks for the effort of celebrating my birthday!
muack
i love you all!
hugz!
muack!